35 Best George Carlin Quotes (Fresh 2023 Updates)

George Carlin Quotes – Collection of 35 Best Quotes of Great George Carlin

George Carlin

George Carlin ( George Denis Patrick Carlin ) was an American stand-up comedian, actor, social critic, and author.

He was known for his dark comedy and reflections on politics, the English language, psychology, and religion.

BornMay 12, 1937
New York City, U.S.
DiedJune 22, 2008
Santa Monica, California, U.S.

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George Carlin Quotes


“Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.”

George Carlin


“The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.”

George Carlin


“Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough not to quit.”

George Carlin


“A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.”

George Carlin


“I think people should be allowed to do what they want. We haven’t tried that for a while. Maybe this time it’ll work.”

George Carlin


“People are wonderful one at a time. Each one of them has an entire hologram of the universe somewhere within them.”

George Carlin


“My advice: just keep movin’ straight ahead. Every now and then you find yourself in a different place.”

George Carlin


“There’s a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.”

George Carlin


“Every day I beat my own previous record for the number of consecutive days I’ve stayed alive.”

George Carlin


“The only person who is with us our entire life is ourselves.”

George Carlin

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George Carlin Quotes on Politics and Government


“If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you’re going to have selfish, ignorant leaders.”

George Carlin


“Conservatives say if you don’t give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. As for the poor, they tell us they’ve lost all incentive because we’ve given them too much money.”

George Carlin


“Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.”

George Carlin


“That’s why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.”

George Carlin


“In America, anyone can become president. That’s the problem.”

George Carlin


“By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.”

George Carlin


“When you are born, you get a ticket to the freak show. When you are born in America, you get a front row seat.”

George Carlin


“The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.”

George Carlin

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George Carlin Quotes about Life


“We have multiplied our possessions but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. We’ve learned how to make a living but not a life. We’ve added years to life, not life to years.”

George Carlin


“Don’t just teach your children to read…teach them to question everything that they read…teach them to question everything.”

George Carlin


“There’s no present. There’s only the immediate future and the recent past.”

George Carlin


“Careful, if you think too much, they’ll take you away.”

George Carlin


“When you step on the brakes, your life is in your foot’s hands.”

George Carlin


“If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.”

George Carlin

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George Carlin Quotes on Religion


“Religion is like a pair of shoes…Find one that fits for you, but don’t make me wear your shoes.”

George Carlin

Some Famous Quotes by Great George Carlin


“Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.”

George Carlin


“If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.”

George Carlin


“Think of how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of them are stupider than that.”

George Carlin


“Some people see the glass half full, others see it half empty. I see a glass that’s twice as big as it needs to be.”

George Carlin


“The main reason Santa is so jolly is that he knows where all the bad girls live.”

George Carlin


“Here’s all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.”

George Carlin


“Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.”

George Carlin


“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”

George Carlin


“Life is not measured by the number of breath we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.”

George Carlin


“Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn’t mean the circus has left town.”

George Carlin

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George Carlin Quotes Video

George Carlin Quotes

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